EXT. BLIMP BASE - NIGHT - A CAR

approaches the security gate.

MED. SHOT - THE SECURITY GATE

is manned by a particularly NASTY-LOOKING NAZI GUARD as Bubba and Madden pull up.

NASTY-LOOKING NAZI GUARD
(to Bubba, in German)

Your papers, please.

Bubba hands him his papers and he looks them over.

NASTY-LOOKING NAZI GUARD
(continuing; to Bubba, in German)
Your papers seem to be in order, Herr Zimmer, now, what about him?

Bubba hands over more papers and the guard looks at them very, very carefully.

NASTY-LOOKING NAZI GUARD
(continuing; to Bubba, in German)
This is the dirigible pilot you have back there?

BUBBA
(in German)
Yup, that's him.

NASTY-LOOKING NAZI GUARD
(continuing; skeptical, in German)
And he is Captain Blenheim, the pilot of the Graf Zeppelin Hindenburg?

BUBBA
(in German)
You got it.

The guard studies the documents, looks at Madden, then back to the documents.

NASTY-LOOKING NAZI GUARD
(continuing; in German)
Hmm. Well, all right.

He hands the papers back to Bubba, who tips his cap and drives the car through the gates as we

CUT TO:


EXT. BERLIN STREET - NIGHT - THE TAXI

careens through traffic, seemingly out of control.

INT. TAXI - DOCTOR JULIUS

is driving, kind of. The Fridge has his hands over his eyes, and everyone else is bouncing around in the back. Meanwhile, through it all, The Boz is making out with Eva Braun.

THE FRIDGE
(to Julius)

You sure you know where you're going?

JULIUS
Call for Philip Morris!

BUTKUS
(to The Boz and Eva)
Hey, you two, watch it!

Einstein pulls out the disposable camera and aims it at the group.

EINSTEIN
This is for my picture album.

He takes the picture, the one that ends up in the playbook.

EINSTEIN
(continuing)
Say, where are you taking me?

CSONKA
The blimp base in Leipzig.

EINSTEIN
The blimp base in Leipzig? I've never ridden on a blimp.

CSONKA
They had one at just about every game I played in as a pro -- I mean that I will play in as a pro.

BUTKUS
What a waste of money, those blimp shots, huh?

CSONKA
I don't know, I kinda liked 'em. But they always looked the same.

BUTKUS
You can't follow the game from the blimp. Everyone looks like ants.

JULIUS
(startled)
Ants?

He stops the car abruptly and gets out.

EXT. ROAD - TAXI - DOCTOR JULIUS

walks away from the car in a dither, leaving them stranded.

JULIUS

I had an aunt once -- never again! And the horses are at the starting gate for this, the one hundred and fifth running of the Pennsylvania Polka. Gentlemen, start your engines.


INT. TAXI - THE TEAM

has no driver.

BUTKUS

Great. Now what?

The Fridge slides over to the driver's seat.

THE FRIDGE
I'll drive if someone tells me where to go.

CSONKA
Boz -- you got the playbook?

The Boz and Eva Braun are still going at it.

CSONKA
(continuing)
Boz!

Without missing a beat, The Boz pulls a playbook out from under Eva, and hands it to Csonka as we

CUT TO:


EXT. BLIMP BASE - NIGHT - A BLIMP

is slowly gliding out of its massive hangar.

MED. SHOT - THE BLIMP

is being prevented from flying away by Bubba, who holds it down with a guide wire as Madden looks on.

MADDEN

I wish we didn't have to do this. I hate flying.

BUBBA
It'll be a piece of cake, Coach. We'll only be a few feet off the ground.

MADDEN
Why couldn't we just take a bus to France?

BUBBA
I guess 'cause we took the blimp.

MADDEN
Yeah -- and that's another thing I'm havin' trouble understanding. If we already did it, how come we have to do it again?

BUBBA
Because, if we don't do it, then it won't happen.

MADDEN
But it didn't happen.

BUBBA
No. Not yet.

Madden is bewildered as Bubba continues to guide the blimp out onto the tarmac.

CUT TO:


EXT. BLIMP BASE - NIGHT - SECURITY GATE - THE CAR

driven by The Fridge pulls up.

MED. SHOT - SECURITY GATE

is still manned by the nasty-looking Nazi guard.

NASTY-LOOKING NAZI GUARD
(to The Fridge, in German)

Your papers, please.

THE FRIDGE
(in German)
I don't need no papers.

NASTY-LOOKING NAZI GUARD
(in German)
Everyone needs papers.

THE FRIDGE
(in German)
Everyone? Does Hitler need papers?

NASTY-LOOKING NAZI GUARD
(in German)
Well, no, Hitler wouldn't need papers. But you're not Hitler.

THE FRIDGE
(in German)
What if I were Hitler's mistress?

NASTY-LOOKING NAZI GUARD
(in German)
Hah! Fat chance.

THE FRIDGE
(in German)
Check out the back seat, my man.

The guard looks, sees Eva, or her legs at least, as she continues the heavy petting with The Boz.

NASTY-LOOKING NAZI GUARD
(in German)
Ah, yes, of course, that's her!
(waves his arm)
Go ahead, you're cleared.

The Fridge accelerates quickly as we

CUT TO:


EXT. BLIMP BASE - NIGHT - THE BLIMP

is free of the hangar, floating above the tarmac, with Bubba hanging on and continuing his explanation to Madden.

BUBBA

And, if we took a bus to Paris, then the whole time-space continuum would be destroyed and--

He's distracted by something O.S. as we HEAR the sound of a speeding car and the HORN HONKING.

BUBBA
(continuing)
Look -- it's them!

MADDEN
They made it. Finally.

The car pulls up and they all pour out.

THE FRIDGE
Hey, Coach, long time no see.

MADDEN
Hiya, Fridge.
(to Einstein)
Hey, you must be Einstein.
(holds hand out)
John Madden.

They shake hands.

EINSTEIN
Albert Einstein.

MADDEN
Nice shoes.

CLOSE SHOT - EINSTEIN'S SNEAKERS

are the ones with the lights in the heels.

MED. SHOT - GROUP - BUBBA

points to Eva.

BUBBA

Hey, who's she?

THE BOZ
Oh. This is Eva. Eva Braun.

BUBBA
Eva Braun!!!?

She can't stop kissing The Boz, even though he's had enough.

THE BOZ
Hey, babe, that's it. I've gotta go with my friends.

EVA
What? You mean you're going to dump me -- here -- at a stinking blimp base? How dare you!

THE BOZ
You don't understand.

TWO SHOT - THE BOZ AND EVA

in a scene right out of "Casablanca."

THE BOZ

I can't take you with me, but remember, we'll always have Paris.

EVA
Berlin. Boz, You must let me go with you, you must, I can't go on living without you.

THE BOZ
Don't you see, we're from a different time, a different year. I have to return to nineteen ninety-five and my Volkswagen dealership in Las Vegas. And you, you have to stay here, with Hitler and become his mistress and eventually marry him in a bunker under the chancellory building just before the two of you commit suicide.

EVA
Oh, Boz, no, take me with you, please...

WIDE SHOT - THE BLIMP

starts to move away.

MADDEN

Let's go, Boz!

MOVING SHOT - THE BOZ

starts walking, quickly, as Eva tries to keep up with him.

EVA

Boz, no.

THE BOZ
Sorry, babe. You were gettin' too attached, anyway. I don't need that right now.

EVA
Write to me, Boz.

THE BOZ
Yeah, sure -- I'll send it Yesterday Air.

He picks up the pace until he's running full speed after the blimp, still being held by Bubba.

BUBBA
Come on, Boz -- faster!

The Boz, with a last burst of speed, jumps up and grabs the edge of the gondola. Bubba then jumps in and the blimp begins to rise.

CLOSE SHOT - LOW ANGLE - EVA

looks up, tearfully, as the blimp floats away.

CUT TO:


EXT. BLIMP BASE - NIGHT - SECURITY GATE - A CAR

filled with Nazis pulls up.

DRIVER
(in German)

Are they here?

NASTY-LOOKING NAZI GUARD
(in German)
Who?

DRIVER
(in German; furious)
Who? Those, those -- men!

NASTY-LOOKING NAZI GUARD
(in German)
Oh, the men with Der Führer's mistress?

DRIVER
(in German)
They've got Hitler's mistress?

The car pulls away as we

CUT TO:


EXT. BLIMP BASE - NIGHT - THE BLIMP

is floating free and ascending.

INT. BLIMP GONDOLA - THE TEAM

is exultant, except for Madden, who can't look.

CSONKA

Wow.

BUTKUS
Next stop, Paris.

LOW ANGLE - ANOTHER BLIMP

is being taken out of a hangar as the Nazis give chase.

DISSOLVE TO: