EXT. PARIS'S MAIN LIBRARY - ESTABLISHING

the classic structure.

EXT. FRONT ENTRANCE - THE FRIDGE

enters the edifice.

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INT. LIBRARY - THE FRIDGE

walks inconspicuously past various FRENCH BIBLIOPHILES, and ascends the long staircase.

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INT. STACKS - THE FRIDGE

makes his way to the very farthest corner of the stacks in the library.

MED. SHOT - THE FRIDGE

scans titles of books on the shelf, finally pulling one out.

CLOSE SHOT - BOOK

It's title, translated with English subtitles: "How To Be Polite To Tourists."

THE FRIDGE

places the folded note in the book, puts it back on the shelf and tiptoes away as we

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EXT. CAFE - EINSTEIN AND THE TEAM

are still eating and enjoying the view, which is predominantly BEAUTIFUL YOUNG WOMEN sashaying by their table.

EINSTEIN
(to Madden)

Tell me again.

MADDEN
Bubba, explain it to him.

BUBBA
Here's how it goes: We leave a note inside a book in nineteen thirty-three; they take the book out of the library in nineteen ninety-five and read the note.

VOICE (O.S.)
And that's how they know to send money.

MADDEN
(startled)
Hold it, I recognize that voice.

He turns and looks O.S. as we

WIDEN

to reveal PAT SUMMERALL, Madden's longtime broadcast partner, sitting at a nearby table.

MADDEN
(continuing)

Pat Summerall! I can't believe it!

They all go over and greet their old friend.

MADDEN
(continuing)
What are you doing in Paris in nineteen thirty-three? You -- of all people!

SUMMERALL
Apparently some scientist friends of yours received a note you left for them. It said you needed money.

MADDEN
So they sent you?

SUMMERALL
Well, they had to send someone, they couldn't just send the money, you wouldn't know where to find it.

Summerall pulls out a nice fat wad of money.

EINSTEIN
(suddenly realizing)
So that's how we pay for the food!

SUMMERALL
It's the Depression, but American money is still good over here.

BUTKUS
Hey -- here comes the Fridge!

They look O.S.

THE FRIDGE

is walking towards them, munching on a three-foot long French bread.

THE FRIDGE

Man, I like the food here.

They exchange hellos.

MADDEN
Hey, listen guys, now that we have the whole team together I should tell you that we're right on schedule and, according to the ol' playbook, we've got the night off. So, you're all on your own until tomorrow morning when we'll meet at the base of the Eiffel Tower at, oh nine hundred -- that's nine AM. It is now...

He checks his watch.

MADDEN
(continuing)
... five forty-three. And remember, above all else, be inconspicuous.

ZOOM

to reveal, in the b.g., a couple of Nazi spies, HEINZ and STIMMEL, seated at another table. They smile, nod to each other as we

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EXT. FOLIES BERGERE - NIGHTFALL - ESTABLISHING

A large crowd files into the famous theater, with the headline act, as always, Josephine Baker.

MED. SHOT - THE BOZ AND EINSTEIN

are among the crowd outside the theater, and hardly inconspicuous -- they're the ones in the glow in the dark suits.

THE BOZ

Hey, our suits are glowing.

EINSTEIN
You're right. It must be the radium -- that was the Curies' great discovery.

THE BOZ
Gee, I hope no one notices.


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INT. THEATER - A LITTLE LATER - THE BOZ AND EINSTEIN

take their seats in the first row as the NAKED CHORUS GIRLS are already into their opening number.

THE BOZ

Man, check out these women, will ya!

EINSTEIN
You can say that again!


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INT. CLASSROOM - TWO SHOT - MELLINGER AND BRICKHOUSE

are half-dressed and back in their seats, sharing a post-coital cigarette.

MED. SHOT - PROFESSOR VON ZELL

continues reading from his biographical paper on Einstein.

VON ZELL

And then, of course, after leaving Germany in the summer of nineteen thirty-three, there was the torrid, one night stand in Paris with the legendary...

He stops, confused, and stares at the paper in front of him.

CLOSE SHOT - THE PAPER

has on it just what he was reading.

MED. SHOT - VON ZELL

can't believe his eyes, but gamely goes on.

VON ZELL
(continuing)

... with the legendary Josephine Baker? With whom he had a child? A child who went on to become the famous Nobel Prize winning theoretical physicist currently working on experimental projects at the Institute For Advanced Study in Princeton, New Jersey? A man by the name of -- Dr. Efrem Mellinger?

CLOSE SHOT - MELLINGER

reacts to the news, which was news to him, as we

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INT. THEATER - DRESSING ROOM DOOR - THE BOZ

is waiting outside a dressing room door with stars and the name "Josephine Baker" on it.

THE BOZ

I wonder where Einstein went? Oh man, if I screw up I'll never hear the end of it.

We then begin to HEAR the MOANS of passionate lovemaking coming from inside the dressing room.

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INT. DRESSING ROOM - EINSTEIN

and JOSEPHINE BAKER are going at it on a settee as we

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EXT. PARK - DUSK - MADDEN AND SUMMERALL

are observing a bunch of French kids playing soccer in a public park. After a beat or two an errant ball is kicked their way and Madden picks it up. The kids come over to them, and gather around.

MADDEN

Hey, you kids ever play American football?

No response.

SUMMERALL
That's not their game, I'm afraid.

MADDEN
Wait.
(to the kids)
Football, football.

KIDS
Football, football.

They mime soccer kicks though.

MADDEN
No, no -- American football. Here, let me show you.

Madden starts to line the kids up like an American football team as we

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EXT. THE LOUVRE - NIGHT (1933) - ESTABLISHING

the great museum as it appeared in 1933.

INT. THE LOUVRE - BUBBA AND CSONKA AND BUTKUS

are observing one of the world's great art collections.

CSONKA

Boy, some of these paintings are hundreds of years old. And some of these statues probably go back thousands of years.

BUTKUS
Yeah. I wouldn't mind comin' back here in the future. Never went much for art when I was playing.

CSONKA
How come?

BUTKUS
No time.

CSONKA
Yeah. There was never any time.

BUBBA
Etruscan terra cotta, gentlemen, in the next room.

They follow Bubba into another room as we

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EXT. MAXIME'S RESTAURANT - NIGHT (1933) - ESTABLISHING

the world famous restaurant, as it was.

INT. RESTAURANT - WIDE

There are many diners including, quite noticeably, The Fridge, who has been given a large round table all to himself in the center of the room.

SLOW ZOOM

to The Fridge, who has apparently ordered every dish they offer, plus seconds, and has just about polished it all off when a SNOOTY FRENCH WAITER approaches him.

SNOOTY FRENCH WAITER

Was everything all right, monsieur?

THE FRIDGE
The best food I've had, outside of Kansas City.

SNOOTY FRENCH WAITER
Will you be having any dessert this evening?

THE FRIDGE
Yes, I will.

The waiter signals O.S. and almost instantaneously ANOTHER SNOOTY FRENCH WAITER appears with a large tray loaded down with a variety of extraordinary desserts.

SNOOTY FRENCH WAITER
Shall I describe them to you? We have a torte, a tart, a soufflé, a mousse, a --

THE FRIDGE
No blueberry pie?

SNOOTY FRENCH WAITER
No, no, I'm sorry, monsieur.

THE FRIDGE
Well, that's all right. I'll start with this.

He takes the whole tray and, to the waiter's chagrin and amazement, begins devouring it.

THE FRIDGE
(continuing; eating)
What else you got?

The waiter reacts as we

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