The New Nixon Tapes


(In 1996, thanks to the Freedom of Information Act, 201 more hours of previously unreleased Watergate tapes were made available to the public. Stanley Kutler, the editor of "Abuse of Power: The New Nixon Oval Office Tapes," did an admirable job of transcribing the tapes and putting them in a proper historical context. However, he was unable to include all of the tapes in his book. What follows are excerpts from a few of the tapes left out of Kutler's book, with each recording dated and those in attendance so noted.)



APRIL 22, 1973: THE PRESIDENT, H.R. "BOB" HALDEMAN, AND HENRY KISSINGER, 9:50--10:50 A.M., OVAL OFFICE.


PRESIDENT NIXON: Where is...where is that kike, Kissinger?

KISSINGER: I'm right here, Mr. President.

PRESIDENT NIXON: Oh...uh, Henry, good, I'm glad you're here...I want you to get down on your knees, Henry, and pray for me...I'm up shit creek without a paddle. I've got the damn Jew press on me like a "kick me" sign taped to my ass.

KISSINGER: Of course, Mr. President.

HALDEMAN: You can kneel over here, Henry.

PRESIDENT NIXON: Never mind that...just get me some support from those sons-of-bitches in the cabinet. Tell them I've got stuff on them...pictures.

KISSINGER: But, Mr. President, you have these things?

PRESIDENT NIXON: We've got tons of stuff...tons...

KISSINGER: All right, Mr. President, but it would help me if I could...see the pictures.

HALDEMAN: We'll get some for you, Henry.

KISSINGER: Good. Now, sir, I want to discuss the latest operation in Camb—(cuts off)





APRIL 23, 1973: THE PRESIDENT, HALDEMAN, AND JOHN EHRLICHMAN, 11:20--11:45 A.M., EXECUTIVE OFFICE BUILDING.


PRESIDENT NIXON: Did you, uh, did you, talk to, uh...

HALDEMAN: He knows, and he wants...

PRESIDENT NIXON: How much?

HALDEMAN: He wants...one million.

PRESIDENT NIXON: One million? The cocksucker! What's he going to do with a million dollars—buy himself an island? (He laughs.)

EHRLICHMAN: Yeah, Cuba.

HALDEMAN: He's probably the only one who could take Castro out.

PRESIDENT NIXON: Is he a Jew?

EHRLICHMAN: Who? Desi Arnaz? No.

HALDEMAN: What about his ex-wife?

PRESIDENT NIXON: I hear she's all tied up with her show...it's awful.

EHRLICHMAN: What's awful?

HALDEMAN: Her show.

EHRLICHMAN: It is? The new one?

HALDEMAN: Yeah.

PRESIDENT NIXON: "The Lucy Show." They'll cancel the goddamned thing.

HALDEMAN: They changed the name—now it's "Here's Lucy."

PRESIDENT NIXON: Big deal.

EHRLICHMAN: They won't dump her.

PRESIDENT NIXON: They'll cancel her ass. Just like we'll cancel that bastard—(cuts off)





APRIL 24, 1973: THE PRESIDENT, HALDEMAN, EHRLICHMAN, AND MATT NEUMAN, 10:15--10:45 A.M., OVAL OFFICE.


HALDEMAN: What year did you say you were from?

NEUMAN: 1998.

PRESIDENT NIXON: 1998? Jesus Christ, that's twenty-five years from now, goddammit. So...you know about...this thing?

NEUMAN: You mean Watergate?

PRESIDENT NIXON: Yeah. What happens...to me?

NEUMAN: You really want to know?

PRESIDENT NIXON: Yes—of course!

NEUMAN: Well, early next year you'll be threatened with impeachment...

PRESIDENT NIXON: I knew it! The sons-of-bitches! Yes? Go on? And then what?

NEUMAN: ...but you'll survive a big vote in the senate—and successfully serve out your second term.

PRESIDENT NIXON: (greatly relieved) Ah! Good...you hear that, boys?

NEUMAN: But, in time, the public will turn on you, they'll discover the tapes—

PRESIDENT NIXON: The tapes! Oh no...

NEUMAN: ...and, in 1981 you'll be indicted by a federal grand jury....

PRESIDENT NIXON: What?

NEUMAN: ...and convicted—

PRESIDENT NIXON: No!

NEUMAN: You'll flee, but you'll be caught....an angry mob will chase you down and shoot you in the back, and parade your lifeless body around in the streets. A lot like Mussolini.

PRESIDENT NIXON: ...(shocked) I can't believe it!

EHRLICHMAN: ...(very solemn) It can't be true.

HALDEMAN: (horrified) No, no...that's horrible, horrible.

NEUMAN: Just kidding!...(they all laugh)

PRESIDENT NIXON: Hey, settle a little bet.

NEUMAN: Sure.

PRESIDENT NIXON: When will they cancel "The Lucy Show?"

HALDEMAN: "Here's Lucy."

PRESIDENT NIXON: (annoyed)...All right, "Here's Lucy." When are they gonna cancel that thing?

NEUMAN: "Here's Lucy?"

PRESIDENT NIXON: Not "I Love Lucy," but the one after she and Arnaz split up.

HALDEMAN: The one where she has a son and a daughter.

EHRLICHMAN: And she works in a bank.

PRESIDENT NIXON: And Gale Gordon's her boss...Mr. Mooney.

HALDEMAN: It was in color.

NEUMAN: When was it on? What years?

EHRLICHMAN: It's on now.

NEUMAN: Oh, well, I hardly ever watched TV in the early seventies—I guess I was too busy trying to drive you out of office.

PRESIDENT NIXON: A wiseguy. I've had about enough of you, you're no help...Send in that other guy from the future...(cuts off)





APRIL 24, 1973: THE PRESIDENT, HALDEMAN, EHRLICHMAN, AND SEYMOUR CYBORGER II, 10:50--11:15 A.M., OVAL OFFICE.


HALDEMAN: Welcome.

PRESIDENT NIXON: Greetings from the Twentieth Century.

CYBORGER II: Thank you.

PRESIDENT NIXON: Listen, Cyborger, I'll get right to the point: I need your help. I need you to tell me a few things about the future. Now, I'm not gonna ask you to, uh, change history or anything—just fill me in on a few facts.

CYBORGER II: I will try, Mr. American Twentieth Century President.

PRESIDENT NIXON: Good.

CYBORGER II: But I am unable to do anything immoral, or false.

PRESIDENT NIXON: Oh, I understand—perfectly.

HALDEMAN: In what future administration did you say you served?—or should I say will serve?

CYBORGER II: The Simpson Administration.

PRESIDENT NIXON: Simpson?

CYBORGER II: Yes. President O.J. Simpson. The sixty-first President of the United States.

PRESIDENT NIXON: The football player? Hell, he's a great running back, but I never would have thought—

CYBORGER II: He will become only the second write-in candidate to win the American presidency in the Twenty-first Century.

PRESIDENT NIXON: The second?! Who was the first?

CYBORGER II: President Neuman.

HALDEMAN: Neuman?

PRESIDENT NIXON: Hey, wait, I smell a rat...

EHRLICHMAN: Aren't you...

CYBORGER II: I must be going...

HALDEMAN: It's him!

PRESIDENT NIXON: Stop him! Stop—(cuts off)


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