INT. UNIVERSITY LECTURE HALL - PROFESSOR
types are filling all the available seats as they anxiously wait for Einstein to appear.
INT. OFFICE - CSONKA AND BUTKUS
are throwing books and files into boxes as fast as they can as Einstein paces nervously.
 EINSTEIN |
Hurry, gentlemen, it's already eight o'clock. |
BUTKUS|
I'll go out there and stall 'em for awhile, until The Boz gets here with the car. |
CSONKA|
What are you going to say? |
BUTKUS
Einstein hands him a couple of pages.
EINSTEIN|
Here, they'll be interested in this. |
BUTKUS
EINSTEIN|
My unified field theory. Be careful, it's my only copy. |
Butkus exits as we
INT. BEER HALL - THE BOZ
is seated at a table with Hitler, Eva Braun, HEINRICH HIMMLER and JOSEPH GOEBBELS.
EVA BRAUN
 (adoringly, in German) |
So, Herr Muntz, where did you get such adorable muscles? |
HITLER
(adoringly, in German)
HIMMLER
(suspiciously, in German)|
And just where is Milwaukee? Is that in the United States? |
THE BOZ
(in German)|
Ah, you are so humorous I forgot to laugh, Herr Himmler. But seriously, what time is it? |
GOEBBELS
(suspiciously, in German)|
The time? Why would you want to know the time, Herr Muntz? |
THE BOZ
(in German)| Herr Goebbels, there's something on your brown shirt. |
The Boz points to a spot under Goebbels's chin, then, when he looks down, clucks him on the nose. The others all laugh.
EVA BRAUN
(in German)|
Oh, Herr Muntz, you are so witty. |
THE BOZ
(in German)| I feel witty, Fraulein Braun. Why don't you dump this closet queen and run off with me? |
A sudden chill settles in and The Boz, sensing he's said something a bit inappropriate, gets up from the table.
THE BOZ
(in German)| But I really must go. You've been excellent company and I do hope we can all get together again at your earliest convenience. |
(to Eva Braun)
He kisses her, and then makes a fast exit before a stunned and humiliated Hitler and Co. can react.
INT. BEER HALL KITCHEN - THE BOZ
barrels his way through the kitchen.
ANGLE ON DOOR - HITLER
comes flying through, in hot pursuit.
HITLER
(in German)
One of the COOKS hurls a bag of potatoes at the fleeing Boz, then turns, realizes it's Hitler and comes to attention.
COOK
(to Hitler)
He salutes Hitler, then slaps himself on the nose, forcing Hitler to respond in kind as we
EXT. BEER HALL - BACK ALLEY - THE BOZ
emerges from the back door clutching a bag of potatoes. He looks around at all the official Nazi vehicles, including a motorcycle and sidecar. Suddenly he's struck by a brilliant idea, as we
EXT. HIGHWAY SHOULDER - NIGHT - MADDEN AND BUBBA
are changing a flat tire.
MADDEN
Bubba does so and Madden starts to jack up the car.
MADDEN
(continuing)|
So, you were kidding before, weren't you? |
BUBBA
Another car pulls onto the shoulder behind them.
BUBBA
A foursome of fearsome Nazis steps out of the car and approach.
MADDEN
(to Nazis)
(in German)
NAZI
(in German)|
Enough pleasantries. You're coming with us. |
MADDEN
(in German)|
But -- I'm Captain Victor Blenheim, and this is my driver, Zimmer -- |
NAZI
(in German)|
Very funny. Captain Blenheim and his driver are dead. |
MADDEN
(in German)|
You think that's funny? Well it's not. And it's not true either. |
NAZI
(in German)|
The truth, my friend, only comes after intense, painstaking, interrogation. |
(to other Nazis)
The Nazis make a move towards Madden and Bubba as we
EXT. UNIVERSITY - THE FRIDGE
looks at his watch nervously.
THE FRIDGE
(to himself) |
I better get a cab over to the airfield. Bubba and the Coach are probably just getting there now. |
He picks up the telephone and starts to dial as we
INT. LECTURE HALL - THE MANY PROFESSORS
in the audience listen with great interest as one of them, ENRICO FERMI, stands and asks a question to O.S.
FERMI |
But, Doctor, how is it possible to produce so much heat with so little fuel? |
WIDE - BUTKUS
is at the front of the hall, barbecue at his side.
BUTKUS |
Hey. All I know is, it works. |
He gets a rousing ovation.
VOICE FROM THE BACK (O.S.)
BUTKUS
(suddenly irritated)|
That's it. End of lecture. |
The audience urges him to stay as we
EXT. BEER HALL - HITLER
and his band of merry men pile into their cars and try to start them, but they all backfire, creating LOUD BANGS and some black exhaust smoke.
INT. CAR - HITLER
HITLER
(in German)
CLOSE SHOT - A POTATO
stuffed in a car's exhaust pipe.
EXT. STREET - NIGHT - CLOSE SHOT - THE BOZ
is racing through Berlin on the motorcycle.
WIDEN
to reveal Eva Braun riding in the sidecar.
EXT. HIGHWAY SHOULDER - NIGHT - THE NAZIS
are back in their car, seated, staring straight ahead, vacant looks on their faces.
NEW ANGLE - MADDEN AND BUBBA
are just finishing changing the tire.
MADDEN |
I guess those guys never met a Hall of Fame defensive lineman before, eh, Bubba? |
BUBBA
They start to get in the car, and then look over at the Nazis.
MED. SHOT - CAR - THE NAZIS
are still sitting straight up, vacant looks on their faces -- and then one slumps forward, and then another, and then another, and then another, and we
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