WARNING

TITLE PAGE

NOTE

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

DEDICATION

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Chapter One... Wherein the author puts forth his premise, then withdraws it; the reader is introduced to Maureen; Maureen is introduced to the author.

Chapter Two... Some nonsense about shadow realities; a bank holdup; more baloney.

Chapter Three... Wherein nothing happens.

Chapter Four... Gone fishin'; Honest Abe; character back talk.

Chapter Five... Directions to Kopy Katz; speculating on the nature of reality.

Chapter Six... An aspiring writer punches in and gets punched out.

Chapter Seven... Maureen provides some perspective on "the incident."

Chapter Eight... Dancing Cloud meets World War Two; the U.S. Navy's very first frogwoman.

Chapter Nine... The seeds of Camelot; no clam chowder.

Chapter Ten... A confession; shoelaces; a critique.

Chapter Eleven... The limits of fiction; backwards talk.

Chapter Twelve... Abstract sketches; Maureen takes over.

Maureen's Chapter... Just as it says.

Chapter Fourteen... Daydreaming; Abe and George to the rescue; bubble gum.

Chapter Fifteen... The publishing biz; Mr. Butler returns from the dead.

Chapter Sixteen... The present tense; shaking off an annoying reader.

Chapter Seventeen... Death knell from the Hamptons.

Chapter Eighteen... Surprises on the twenty-ninth floor; Maureen gets pink-slipped.

Chapter Nineteen... The trial.

Chapter Twenty... The mistrial; some philosophizing; Maureen's sabbatical begins.

Chapter Twenty-one... I am not MR. BIG; some editorial backtalk; porridge.

Chapter Twenty-two... I am MR. BIG; more speculation on the nature of reality.

Chapter Twenty-three... Lowered expectations; time travel; my model ship comes in.

Chapter Twenty-four... Abe returns; Abe disappears.

Chapter Twenty-five... A brief autobiography; rocks.

Chapter Twenty-six... Preparing for work; it was all a dream.

Chapter Twenty-seven... Virtual rehabilitation; a close call with life.

Chapter Twenty-eight... Blurb blab; a threat from the mob.

Chapter Twenty-nine... Sitcom on the twenty-ninth floor; Maureen is kidnapped by the mob.

Chapter Thirty... I rescue Maureen from the mob.

Chapter Thirty-one... Eggs; toast; coffee; the check.

Chapter Thirty-two... I return from the dead; the Gettysburg Address; !$#%$%.

Chapter Thirty-three... A cop has questions; canoeing in Idaho or Wyoming; it was all a TV commercial.

Chapter Thirty-four... Maureen takes over my career; I'm a shoo-in for the Pulitzer.

Chapter Thirty-five... Anna is not impressed; a major breakthrough.

Chapter Thirty-six... A visit from Dancing Cloud; legal war drums in the distance; some last-minute editing.

Chapter Thirty-seven... The Goodyear Blimp; blurbmania; Norman Mailer falls out of a fourth-floor window.

Chapter Thirty-eight... A new start; my walkabout begins.

Chapter Thirty-nine... The mostly positive review in The New York Times.

Chapter Forty (mostly written by Kurt Vonnegut)... Bowling with Mr. Smith; waiting for me; pancakes.

Chapter Forty-one... A dozen Faberge eggs; Maureen moonlights; Mr. Note drops in unexpectedly.

Chapter Forty-two... Bop City; the surprising return of Izldr L. Qdxmnkcr; the war to end all wars to end all wars.

Chapter Forty-three... A visit to a lousy novel; opening ceremonies.

Chapter Forty-four... Maureen is caught scalping; Uncle Lupo speaks.

Chapter Forty-five... Dreaming; speculating on this novel's potential for success.

Chapter Forty-six (written by Maureen Ripley)... I'm out in the Hamptons; the editor is fired; I return from the dead again; I jump out a twenty-ninth floor window.

Chapter Forty-seven... A false ending.

Chapter Forty-eight... Letter from the editor; (YOUR NAME HERE); a staged hold up.

Chapter Forty-nine... Bop City Blues; a perspiring writer punches in.

Chapter Fifty... Pass the sunblock; pass the artistic freedom.

PICTURES!... That's right, pictures.

Chapter Fifty-one... Mixed reviews; blank pages; book chat.

Chapter Fifty-two... A visit to a time long ago; my appearance on The Arsenio Hall Show; dining with wolves.

Chapter Fifty-three... Room service; adventures on Forty-seventh Street.

Chapter Fifty-four... My return to Powloo Territory; call for Philip Morris; a prescient fortune cookie.

Chapter Fifty-five... My ship comes in; the curse of page 190; doing hard time.

Chapter Fifty-six... The great escape; dinner at the Sizzler.

Chapter Fifty-seven... The eating contest; another visit to the doctor; "The Thing."

Chapter Fifty-eight... An homage to Hitchcock; Magic Fingers; picking the photos for this book.

Chapter Fifty-nine... Mystery House closed; driving fast; the Manhattan Project; characters revolt; doing more hard time.

Chapter Sixty... Wrong address; Ben and Greg reach a literary dead end.

Chapter Sixty-one... Waiting for the elevator; Dr. Mudd; results of the informal readers' poll; Mudd guests on The Farley Greg Show.

Chapter Sixty-two... Pointlessism; speculating on the nature of speculating; Maureen takes her last vacation.

Chapter Sixty-three... Getting serious; getting desperate; getting on with it.

Chapter Sixty-four... Back to Barcelona for bowling; Seņor Wences; I wish Bertrand Russell would drop in.

Chapter Sixty-five... Disclaimer; the "Big Bang" is back; the solution to next week's puzzle; the end.

INDEX

POSTSCRIPT

ADDENDUM